A stay at home, working mommy

Experts say that kids in day care have higher levels of aggression, anxiety and stress. Wow...I wonder if these experts ever spend time with a stay at home mommy. This is an open invitation to have coffee at my house- is 3am good for you. It is an urban myth, or maybe more like a suburban myth,  that stay at home mommies and their kids have it made. What is not to love...you set your own schedule (between the times of midnight and 11:59pm), there is no time card  to punch (you are ALWAYS on the clock), your lunch is cheap and filled with lots of conversation (Pb& J and baby sign, anyone). I am here to say while holding one child and dodging a nerf ball coming towards my head, that stay at home moms have a tough job....I really hand it to the stay at home moms with young kids who are not school age- as I feel your pain, eh, I mean joy!

I have yet to find a study on stay at home working mommies. Maybe I am the next guinea pig. I am a rare breed. I work from home and stay home with 2 of my 3 kids who are not school age. Never in a million years did I think that I could be both a working mommy and a stay at home mommy. Obviously I like a challenge.

I didn't just stumble upon this faith, I actually made it happen...and surprisingly enough on purpose. I always wanted to stay home with my kids, even before I became a mommy 10 years ago. However, upon staying home with my first born, I realized I still loved the working world that I could now only see now from a distance through the bright yellow nursery where I rocked my baby to sleep each night. I traded in my heels and pencil skirt for running shoes and sweatpants. I enjoyed being home with my first born. We had play dates, gymnastic class, shopping trips, library days....life was good. But I often found myself reading the want ads as she napped. I was torn...and there was not a person in my world at that time that understood. My mom had stayed home until my sister and I were school age...her mom had done the same. The other play date moms loved staying home, not having to get dressed for work, trading in business lunches for picnics in the park...and I too enjoy this, but yerned for some deadlines, a boss micromanaging me from time to time, and the annoying coworker who had a new story about her live in boyfriend who ate cheetoes in his underwear while playing video games in a beanbag chair- (true story)

I decided to go back to school while my first born was young. I already had a BA and MA so I was not a  virgin to higher education. I enrolled in an online university to work on my doctoral degree. Mind you this was before online learning was cool- it was a expensive leap of faith. Fast forward a few years later, when upon graduation,  I realize Dr. Mom would now have to get a job full time outside of the house. During my doctoral studies I had worked at a few colleges teaching but nothing permanent or full time.

I realized that soon I would want to add more feet to my family and did not want my doctoral studies to collect dust. I had completed my entire doctoral degree online (with yearly residences), so I thought, why can't I be an online professor?? I know what it is like from the other side as a student, and from where I was sitting online teaching looked like CAKE...carrot cake to be exact. I started applying for online jobs and actually got a position teaching online within a month...now fast forward again several years later, and I now have several universities who call on me to teach classes in the area of Business, English, and Communication- both graduate and undergraduate. The perfectly imperfect job...stay at home in my pjs and teach.

I now stay home full time...and work...both as a mommy and a professor.

This means that during the day I am SUPER mom, and then at night I share my cape with my husband who is SUPER dad, while I try to fit a 8 hour work day into 4-6 hours. Needless to say- this is impossible, so I usually try to squeeze in an hour or two during the early morning or late night. Sometimes I get brave (or maybe have bouts of insanity) and I try to fit a little work in while the boys are watching Toy Story and eating a snack. Nothing impresses colleagues more than when in the middle of a conference call, my 3 year old comes running in the room and yells-" Brother HAS poopie!!!" Epic Failure!! My secret is unveiled- My day is ruled by shaggy haired boys who fart and announce it!

So the age long debate continues ---stay at home mom vs working mom.  I guess on this single issue I ride the fence as I see that the grass is greener on both sides- but both sides have to be mowed!